Friday, April 28, 2006

unknown t you
not as if you thought twice
or noticed
but nevermind,
nevermind.

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 4:13 PM


Wednesday, April 26, 2006

seriously, i'm freaking out!
don't tell me this is karma.
damnit

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 1:18 AM


Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Your significant other isn't your whole life, but they are a major part of making you feel whole. that's quite true but not totally. suddenly there was an uncomfortable attacking feeling and only you can fight it off. i wish i could feel the opposite feeling of what i asked instead of asking. hopefully i'll feel the way i want to.

leon will always be my love.

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 4:27 AM


Sunday, April 23, 2006

he's oh so sweet, he sweeps me off my feet. i love that boy more than kids loving ice-creams. he's got my head spinning, my heart twirling. he makes me feel high and crave for more. oh man, i'm stuck on him.

i'm partially deaf now, thanks t the blasting music. the night at liquid was boring, like totally please. the music wasn't as great as before. wasn't very packed though people kept pushing like nobody's biz. damnit. i didn't enjoy a single bit. those were just the sub reasons. actually the main one was cause he wasn't there );

i'm freaking out bout what's ahead.
seriously, i think i should put a stop t it.

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 6:02 AM


Saturday, April 22, 2006

no i can't accept that, no i can't yet i have to.
act of contridiction, what's next?

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 4:14 PM


Friday, April 21, 2006

seriously, what you give isn't what you get in return.

i long only to be held and care for
why cant it be?
am i to die alone and bitter?
what the hell is wrong with me?
my face is blackened and my eyes are sewn shut
with fear and sorrow
i no longer wish to love anything
just cut the heart right out of me

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 10:23 PM


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

i accpeted everything i knew and kept mum bout it. why are you torturing me, it's beyond pain. what did i do t deserve all these. what did i do t make you treat me this way. you don't know how much it hurts me, you don't know. please stop it.

dismember my myself
severe my viens
poisen myself
a heartless joke
slash at my neck
gouge out my eyes
screaming in agony
you pacify me

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 4:24 PM


Tuesday, April 18, 2006

OMG, I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST HEARD. NOW I CAN ASSOCIATE WHAT I HEARD AND WHAT I SAW YTD. OMG OMG OMG, TOTALLY OMG. SERIOUSLY I CAN'T IMAGINE OF WORST OUTCOMES. DAMNIT, MORE HIDDEN THINGS. OMG OMG OMG. BANG BANGS TIME AND TIME AGAIN. TOO MUCH T HANDLE, I'M FALLING APART. WOW, TOO MANY 'H's. WONDER WHAT'S NEXT. SERIOUSLY, UNPREDICTABLE.

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 8:01 PM

feel for who?
shared between how many?
sigh.
one hearts pain.

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 4:48 AM


Monday, April 17, 2006

bbq on sat turned out quite fine, as usual there were left overs and not really gathered together cause this time there was mahjong, telev, laptop and more comfy space. the guys did bbq and help alil and i really mean alil so the girls had t do the job. left around 2+ in the morning, cabbed with ting, mel and ben. mel alighted first followed by ting and i continued by ben. met ong, vince and baby at ting's place cause ong sent eve home. went over t baby's place. inserted the sd card in his laptop and crap, did hell and now crap my photo's are gone. gone from his laptop, gone from my sd card. saddening, seriously sad case.
ong came t fetch baby and i then vince and eve, went for dinner at jalan kayu ( i think it's spelt that way). sent vince back t camp and we headed t holland bought his stuff and coffee bean. that's about the weekend.

hidden things, left unsaid
accept and swallow
only choice
yes faithful, thats what i hope for one t be

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 10:42 PM


Sunday, April 16, 2006

fuck shit (x

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 4:39 AM


Friday, April 14, 2006

my fears are there,
i'm afraid of the unwanting outcomes.
let me sleep and never wake up,
i'll thank you a zillion times.

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 1:26 PM


Thursday, April 13, 2006

i thought it was all in my mind but i realise that its not, it's all in my heart instead. waiting can be classified under the heading 'torturing process' where as one's boyfriend liking another under ' immediate stop of heatbeat '. somethings are really too good to be true. fyi, my heart's no longer a whole obviously not literally. do you have t keep doing things t make me feel worst? maybe you've never gone through what i'm going through now but i guess you'll never go through such a stage in your life. now, i can see the clear picture that those were just words, words with no meaning behind it. why can't i go back t my bad habit since i'm left in this situation. break me, smash me, hurt me, kill me, inflict me, love me, hug me, kiss me, help me.

what goes around comes around, that's karma
are you some kinda karma breaker.
can you please show me that miracles do happen
and i don't need wings t help me fly.
blasting ear-plugs

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 11:52 PM

you'll never get to see the tears shed,
it made me tired.
do only what you want others t do t you.
this torturing process
is seriously suffocating me,
like you choking me.
does that make you happier in anyway?
you make my head spin with you,
make my heart get shot by your words.
your words are like poison arrows,
holding the bow,
you're aiming at 100
to hit me down.
that's your act of accomplishment
where as its my pain.
words remains as words.
actions are louder than words,
always will be.
i hope you don't own a stone heart.
iloveyoudeeplyalways.

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 11:45 AM


Wednesday, April 12, 2006

blog is for public viewing, absolutely right. people reading my daily entries, am fine with that cause that's a purpose of a blog. minority go asking my friends what happen t me and him, claiming that they heard from their friends. like please, if so then they would have told you. seriously, its my life you can ask me directly though there is a possibility that i would utter a word to you. if you're close t me, you'll know how we're doing. and seriously, if you don't know remain that way. i won't want anyone interfering either. i know that you're concern but i rather you not.

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 2:19 PM

i missed my baby,
am still missing him.
))x
i am irritated.
i get easily irritated these few days,
blame it on the medication
and its the time of the month.
so please pardon me while i burst
waiting is a torturing process,
i feel like shutting myself down right now.

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 3:27 AM


Tuesday, April 11, 2006

i woke up feeling sick, talked on the phone till holland v started. was feeling worse after watching, so i headed t the doctor. he said i lost weight ((; that made me a little more lively. went home, dinner was like some hospital kind of food so i just ate a little and took damn long t eat. took medi and i felt drowsy. sher bought subway for me! i'm damn lazy t continue...

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 12:14 AM


Monday, April 10, 2006

QUIT IRRITATING ME

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 3:41 AM


Sunday, April 09, 2006

now, no distractions but just blasting music. once again, i had t make myself feel fine again. this time round, i just couldn't. well, it wasn't as if he did bother bout how i felt. i bet he had a great time, good for him. i was on the verge of breaking down. plugged the blasting earphones, sat and stone. i'm too tired t continue...

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 6:08 PM


Friday, April 07, 2006

sher bunked over at my place yesterday with another friend of ours. couldn't sleep so we went for breakfast. went back home and we fell asleep when we were suppose t wake up at eleven t get ready and head out by twelve. guess what, we all overslept. woke up at twelve mel came over t my place, sher went home t change and all. we left for wild wild wet at one instead, whitesands t get lunch.

there's a particular ride, 'samsung' don't know what is it called exactly. omfg, took that a few times and my heart sanked and i fucking felt it touch the ground. i screamed my lungs out, thrilling i swear. i could feel myself flying off when i was the one facing out. the other rides were so so, not very exciting actually. think escape would be a better choice, at least there are more rides . woohoo, sherlyn was the hot fave in wildwildwet yesterday. we showered around 6plus and we left t meet deenie and all, she was having her birthday chalet.

bus-ed t pasir ris interchange, mel and pikie took a cab home while sher and i mrt-ed t tm for dinner. she went home after that and i left for baby's place ((;

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 5:07 AM


Tuesday, April 04, 2006

shaun has hit the big two's today, fadlina's 19th, jocelyn's and weiyao's legal 18th. happy birthday to all (:

zhaq thanks for your concern and 'that offer', i might need it ((x
well, hanging out with sher, mel, ting and eve for those three days were pure fun (; lots of laughter and all. now ting and eve's overseas and mel's grounded. my wisdom teeth is giving me hell, it's poking on my bottom gum.

wow, my oxygen, my love sounds so familar that i'm seeing the same thing printed on someone's msn. oh please..... sup with the same words used puss? for a moment i thought you guys were about t have a mind of your own.

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 2:15 AM


Monday, April 03, 2006

something is telling me " candice whatever fucking things you said were all right ". ffs to the tears, ffs to the scars, ffs t the heartaches, ffs t myself and now i think i just need...... need some bullets?

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 3:08 AM


Sunday, April 02, 2006

to you, everything that goes wrong would be none other but my fault. every single thing i do, doesn't mean anything t you. i can barely remember when was the last time i had the loving side of you. was it that i never meant anything t you? am i going t be your heartbreak list or is my name already printed there? i love what i heard from his mouth yesterday, i really did. now i'm clearly aware that what i heard was only what i wanted t hear not how things are. why don't you put yourself into my shoes, then again it's an impossible thing.
i seriously hate it when you say you want to meet me but we end up not meeting each other. you can't even remember whatever you said, doesn't it mean that what you said were just for the sake of it? thanks but i took it seriously. you're showing me that your life would be the same with or without me revolving around you.
i tell myself t get use t things but some things i'm just not able t get use to. i gave in t you most of the time, tried not t make you angry, tried t make you feel you're my top piority, tried t find a spot in your heart t place myself in but i guess i tried too hard that made me a nobody and not appreciate. i tried to get use t you treating most of the things i said not seriously. somethings you do will make me feeling like shait, i try hard t pretend that i'm fine and not affected, i tried hard t bottle the feelings i have, i lied t myself that you actually love me just that you don't express it. maybe its just because my affection and devotion is deeper, thats why i'm the one who is feeling all these heartaches.

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 7:12 PM

wow, past three days were like friends day.
fri went t ting's place then out t town t meet him but for a short while only. after he left i went over t meet ting, sher and mel at cine. had fun travelling arnd and movie, supper and after that sealed with a peppermint kiss not gonna be revealed.
sat morn ting woke me up, 6 alarms were set, wash up had breakfast and left. ting and i were late cause we were waiting for eve. so we had t treat sher and mel breakfast. HAHA. first time sher's early, miracle. split cabs in t sentosa.
found a spot and settled down and we went t play volleyball, eve didnt wanna so she chilled by the sea. then we rented kayaks, sher and i shared one, ting and eve and mel alone. yes it was fun but tiring at the same time, now my hands are aching like they're falling apart. some idiots from other group kicked the ball and it hit my mouth, idiots. volleyball-ed again another group of guys borrowed our v.ball so we played frisbee.
they came over again asking us if we wanted t play with them ultimate frisbee but v.ball will be better for us so it was actually us against them then we splited, 2 of us and them joined a team and we continued. omfg, all of us were all so disgusted by this fella, he seemed like some sicko. something happened, nothing got to with anyone at scene. sat and just stared into the space, running thoughts. angry yet disappointed, ting, mel and sher allowed me t vent my anger at them. thanks alot, appreciated ((;
played monkey with the other group again but with more people this time. sher got pushed by this guy but it wasn't on purpose, the guy's hand was on her back wanted t ask her if she was fine but she was like moving away from him. damn funny, ting and i saw and we laughed. alot of funny things happen throughout, too much t say.
left sentosa and we went habourfront to pack our dinner back t tings place. they all left for my place at 10+, watched vcd till i fell asleep and they all slowly fell asleep except sher. ordered mac arnd 2. omg, sher ate a mc chicken and still could finish a pack of instant mee with hotdog, fishballs and vegs. ting and eve left bout 4.
sher and mel showered and we were all laughing like retards till 7 in the morning then we slept. omg, 3 days of friends ((;

i love what i heard from him
but he may be lying
the truth lies in you
expressions showed do counts
i will believe him
only till i see it myself.

& BABY I NEED YOUR LOVIN' ; 4:45 PM